Luke Judge

Remember the olden days of this blog when I would write about running and healthy eating? Remember??

That’s because over the last 16 months my life has completely spun out of control. Science is exploding, Little Isis is a little boy now with activities and even more needs, and I am trying to keep my marriage some reasonable degree of healthy. In the time it took me to write the above nonsense, my phone has rung 4 times. The only way I have been able to get through every day has been to cut back on the things I was doing for myself. Mostly blogging and running. This hasn’t been good. In the last 16 months I have gained about 20 pounds. Mama’s not proud.

I’ve really needed a kick in the ass to get back to business. I had been prepared to do something drastic. I even considered changing my little muffins to my little celerys to cut calories, but it seems cruel to punish you all for my bad behavior.  Instead, I went out for a run yesterday on one of my favorite 5 mile routes.  It hurt Mama bad, but I needed to do it.  I wore my running clothes in to work today to try to coerce myself to do it again. I keep telling myself that eventually this won’t hurt so bad.Figure 1: But we all know that’s crap, right?  As soon as this stops hurting I’ll do something to make it hurt again.  That’s the point of running, right?I’ve known that I’ve needed a kick in the pants to get my life back in order.  That’s why it was so timely to receive this question from one of you lovely people…

Dr. Isis,
HOW did you pick yourself up after the hit on your work from having a child? I feel so much like the weak link in my lab–partly that’s because there are really amazing people in this lab and they’re doing super-cool stuff, but in large part it’s because I’ve been dealing with [the arrival of my baby]. I’m working far fewer hours than I did during graduate school (~40 vs ~55). My brain is only just now beginning to come back on board, in some regards–and even now I struggle for common words and phrases, let alone major scientific concepts. I know I should cut myself some slack, and I do. But sometimes the slack-cutting has the wrong effect–I end up not getting as much done at work as I should, or I give up on small projects really quickly because it’s hard. I see myself falling behind my (all male) colleagues, and though I knew intellectually that would be one result of having a child–man, it’s really hard to take in reality. Even though I have a nice project wrapping up right now, I can see things that if I’d pushed harder on, I might have kicked this project up a rung. Basically, I feel like I’m doing worse at work than I expected, even given the reduction in hours. Any thoughts on this experience? Or if now is the time when you point and laugh and say Didn’t you even READ blogs? that’s ok too. On Friday I realized that on our entire floor, consisting of three major labs, I am one of two female postdocs. The isolation IRL is undoubtedly relevant. I’m so grateful to have the bloggysphere.

Coming back to work after having a baby is really, really hard. If you’re nursing, your day is interrupted by routine milkings.  I had a really time returning to focus after a bout of pumping nourishment out via my nipples. Add on top of this sleep deprivation and the impact on your productivity can be massive.Figure 2: An artist’s rendition of Dr. Isis, returning to work after Little Isis’s birth.But, none the less, here are some of my ideas for returning to work post-baby…Fix Your Sleep First. If you are not getting regular, productive sleep, it is really difficult to be able to honestly and rationally assess your progress.  It is also almost impossible to motivate yourself to take on a challenging task.  To this day, when Little Isis has a rough night, it leaves me a total mess the next day. When Little Isis was a baby Mr. Isis and I took turns getting up with him.  I frequently co-slept with Little Isis because it was less disturbing to my sleep to let him nurse than it was to get up and get him in the middle of the night. I tried to use my pumping time to catch a bit of sleep. But, mostly, once I was able to get 6 uninterrupted hours, my life improved immensely. Even the Accreditation
Council for Graduate Medical Education has had the good sense to limit medical residents to one on call night every three days because working in a high stress job with lack of sleep increases the number of errors they make and decreases response time.  I don’t see new mothers as being any different, and yet there are no advocacy groups for them.Again I say, fix your sleep first.Set Realistic Goals and Find a Sounding Board. Sometimes I have a really hard time evaluating my own progress.  That’s why I have developed some relationships with trusted people to give me honest feedback on my productivity.  One of the challenges while still nursing is to design experiments that allow you to walk away from the bench for periods on end, which is why it is important to set realistic goals in advance.  Sometimes I feel like I am failing at life, science, and motherhood, but a consultation with one of these trusted colleagues can highlight how much I have actually accomplished.  It can also give me a kick in the pants when I need it.  I also think its important to establish relationships with other mothers, especially when the numbers of mothers in academia can be small.  The mothers in my life are fantastic listeners with an uncanny ability to put my life in perspective and tell me when I am taking myself too seriously.  They are also people who would take care of Little Isis in a pinch – like when science is going awry.Learn When to Say No.  This is something I am not always good at, but scientist mothers frequently have to perform similarly to their childless colleagues in fewer hours. For me, that has meant cutting the bullshit out of my life in order to focus on what’s important.    Recently though, the professional bullshit has started to creep in and I have had to be reminded to say “no” more often.Last week I was having trouble with science.  On top of it, my car was being repaired and I needed someone to drive some things for one of our experiments.  Normally Dr. Triple Threat cycles 10 miles to and from work, but I called to ask if he would be willing to drive.  He said, in no uncertain terms, “no” because it would prevent his ability to exercise that day.  At first I was pretty cheesed that he wouldn’t help me, but after a day or two I began to appreciate why he said “no,” and even admire his ability to do it.  Dr. Triple Threat placed value a goal and was willing to achieve it.  But, most important is to fix your sleep.  Everything else in the world will improve when you’re well rested again,  And best of luck with the little one!!! Read the comments on this post…

changing Mats calories, crap