Earlier this week I was reflecting about how our life I calming down a bit and I was running out of things to blog about. Kids were doing OK in school, the various therapies and schedules are old hat now. we were reveling in the joy of same old/same old. Apparently that was all the universe needed to give me a big old blog worthy day. Ready? It’s a good one.
My son has recently started with some medication that help him control his most problematic behavoiors and allow him to focus at school. On Monday morning I got a note from his teacher telling me what a wonderful day he had been having. he was sharing and listening and doing his work. he was kind and gentle, self motivated and a total joy to have around. after I read the note and finished crying (because no one has EVER, EVER, EVER written a note like that to me before about this child. EVER). I sent it to everyone I know; friends, former teachers and therapists, grandparents, etc. I was a proud, proud momma. he hopped off the bus from school in a mood. and I don’t mean a good mood. within seconds of walking into the door he was tantruming; lunch was wrong, his sister used too much tape, he hated his Valentines. the list went on and on. within 10 minutes he was in a full on rage. Watching him rage is scary (I am used to it by now) and it usually makes everyone in the house cry. he throws things, he tries to hurt himself and others, he basically needs to be put in a safe place where we just wait it out. When he is in this place, he is not teachable. he is not able to reason out his behavior. he is acting from the most basic of instinct. he feels unsafe and worried so he is going to lash out and try to protect himself. the other kids in the family get really worried when they see him so upset. a rage day throws off the dynamic of the entire household in a major way. There have been many times over the years during his rages where aren’t sure if we can keep him safe. There have been times when we have debated if we need to take him to an emergency room and have him 5150′d. in layman’sterms, checked into a hospital and sedated until he is calm again. I have many problems with this option. first of all, I no longer have “custody” of him. I have no say in his care until he is checked out of the hospital (which can take up to two weeks). Second, I am not allowed to see him outside of visiting hours (about an hour a day). When you have a child (remember, he is 6) who has attachment issues and never feels like he can trust his parents and is unworthy of love–taking him to strangers and leaving him there and disappearing for days at a time is a TERRIBLE idea. so, considering this option means it is really, really a dozyof an episode. It was. Don’t get me started on the lack of care for mental health patients outside of crisis situations. Really. Don’t get me started. we took a trip to the ER, but ultimately decided to weather the storm at home.
My wonderful nanny and I took turns keeping him safe while the other tried to keep the other kids calm. Like I said, it is scary when this happens (most of all it is scary for my boy. in between his rages he would cry out to me “mom, why do I feel this way? Please make it stop”). by the time we got him to bed, he was reasonably calm and safe. he was exhausted and fell asleep pretty quickly. I finally managed to throw together some sort of Valentines dinner for the other kids and we got everyone to bed. Victory.
The next day (yesterday) was one of the most anticipated days of the year in our house,as far as my kids are concerned. It was dentist day!! and I am not kidding–they love going to Dr. Quo. they actually say “yay, the dentist”. he gets all 4 of them done in 30 minutes (they do them all at the same time) and he works with special needs kids. Cubby was so happy. It was all he could do to get to school so dentist time would come sooner. As he hopped off the bus, he was still excited. I loaded him and tiny in the car and we were about to leave in my trusty (if totally filthy) minivan. At the last minute, I was reminded that a trip to the toy store was in order when they kids got a cavity free check up. I left my wallet in the house so I ran to go get it. I opened the door, hopped out of the car and headed for the front door. except I forgot to take the car out of reverse (I hadn’t started it yet…stupid, stupid, stupid). my life flashed before my eyes as I watched the car back slowly down the driveway. I raced back to the car to jump in and hit the brakes, but not before the open door caught on a concrete wall by our driveway. As the car continued down our driveway, the door got stretched open wider and wider.
And then if fell off.
One little piece of hinge was holding it together. I broke the car. The kids at this point are totally freaked out AND sad because they were going to miss the dentist. They were actually crying because they didn’t want to miss the dentist. Chaos ensues. I race inside again (but I did put the car in gear this time) and beg my nanny to borrow her car. I throw the kids in Maria’s car and head down to Palo Alto. As we get closer and closer to the dentists office, my son starts telling me his tummy hurts. This is common for him. I hear it multiple times a day. This kid is a ball of anxiety, dipped in stress and rolled in a candy coating of angst. I would worry if he DIDN”T tell me his tummy hurt. we pulled into the parking lot (only 10 minutes late, wheeeeee) and just as we are walking in the door I hear an unmistakable sound. Most mothers know this sound. It is the one that comes nanoseconds before your kid empties the contents of his stomach. Young Cubby projectile vomited (ralphed, yaked, hurled) ALL OVER the place. I turned away from the horrified receptionist, scooped him up and raced him to the car. I left him on the front seat and went back inside with tiny. I literally launched her at the waiting hygienist and returned to the car; where I discover that Cubby had wasted no time covering all surfaces with more vomit. So, so much vomit. On some level I’ve got to admire a kid that doesn’t do things half way. So, one kid is crying in the dentist chair because she wants mommy there, one kid is crying in the vomit covered car (the borrowed car) and can’t stop fixating on the fact that he has thrown up all over his socks. Heaven forbid we get his socks dirty. he somehow blocked the vomit that covered the rest of him (even his hair) and every other possible surface. I am thirty minutes from home and to top it all off, I discover I still don’t have my wallet.
Leaving before tiny gets her appointment finished is out (because honestly, I am one car accident and one vomit car into this, SOMEONE is getting their teeth cleaned). Driving to get some new clothes is out (no money). I did what any self respecting mother would do. I stripped him naked, threw his clothes away, borrowed the disposable dental office clothing covers and mopped up the mess as best as I could. I collected a still sobbing tiny from the dentist (no cavities, HURRAH) and put her in the car (“MOM!!! It smells SO BAD IN HERE!!”) and there was crying. Then I had to break it to her that we weren’t making a stop at the toy store just yet. more crying. the good news is that at this point, I wasn’t crying yet. Pretty good huh? I’m not finished yet.
I arrived home and had to face my freakishly clean and organized (and clean) nanny. she doesn’t even let my kids wear shoes in her car. I might have destroyed a piece of her soul when she saw what we had done to her beloved car. Before I could get her car detailed, I was determined to get my car to the body shop to see what could be done about the door. Time was running out. I couldn’t actually close the door, nor could I drive without it dragging on the ground (and that can’t be good) so I got all MacGyver for the second time that day. I found a pair of childrens sweat pants and tied the door back to the car frame. I reinforced it with several garbage bags that I threaded through the windows and attached to the seat belt. Super safe. Cubby was not in any position to be left alone (and by that I mean, he refused to leave my side–also common for him after a rage). I didn’t feel like dealing with another rage at the moment so I just used my back up package of wipes to get the worst of the chunks off of him, wrapped him in a towel and handed him a garbage bag to puke into. I was going to get to that body shop before if closed if it killed me.
It turns out that if you get pulled over on your way to the shop because your car door is tied on with a garbage bag and you have half naked kid in the back of your car who is vomiting into a garbage bag and you are also covered in vomit and have a certain crazy look in your eye that says “JUST TRY ME OFFICER, I am SO going to fight this ticket in court and not a judge in the world will be on your side”, that officer will not give you a ticket. Lucky for me, I got pulled over right in front of the shop (stupid left turns) and they saw the whole thing. When they saw me pull in (and be honest, they smelled me pull in), they fixed my car right then and there. For free. they replaced the hinge that I broke off the door, punded out the dents and sent me on my way in about 15 minutes. I’d like to think it is because I deserved a break, but mostly I think it because they didn’t want our vomit anywhere near their office. I might have scared them a little bit (but I was still not crying–VICTORY). we made it home in time to shove a handful of bills at my nanny and send her home early to get her car taken care of (or “de-ralphed”).
So, to recap the 24 hours. Raging, forgetting, car door ripping, puking, speeding, teeth cleaning, crying, puking, police interacting, car door fixing, crying, puking, laundry, car detailing and crying. Try not to be jealous of how glamorous and easy my life as a stay at home mom is. I also wish that I could say that this is one of the worst (and wierdest) day of my life, but it isn’t even in the top 10. Much of the time I think I am secretly on an episode of a reality show called something like “Really?…..REALLY?”.
All is well that ends well. I am ready for a Diet Coke and an episode of top Chef. How was YOUR Valentines Day?
door Stops
blog, monday morning
I hope this is helpful in figuring out the text and image directions from yesterday. if you’re like me and you need to see the whole thing at once to understand, then you may like this. if it doesn’t help you, then I’m sorry to confuse you!
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